Talking with Children

Photo credit: Dalia Khamissy/IRC

As a Signpost  digital community liaison you will interact with people from all different backgrounds. While it is not your job to ask people for this specific information, they may offer it to you. This section provides some advice on speaking with specific audiences, if the user has disclosed that they identify with one of these groups. Remember, it is not your job to offer specialized advice or care. Always refer back to the escalation protocol or your focal point if you think a person is in danger or at risk.  

Talking to Children  

We asked the Child Protection Specialists at the IRC to give us some extra tips on talking to children online and they developed the following guidance for us. Apply these principles when talking to any user you think may be under the age of eighteen: 

1. Be Nurturing, Comforting and Supportive 

Children who are at risk/have experienced abuse rarely seek help independently, especially younger children, and will usually be identified by someone else. Children may not understand what is happening to them or may experience fear, embarrassment or shame about the abuse. This can affect their willingness and ability to talk to you or other service providers.

Your initial reaction will impact their sense of safety, willingness to talk, and psychological well-being. A positive, supportive response will help all children, including at-risk children (e.g. girls, children who have experienced neglect or abuse, children with disabilities, etc.) feel heard and will help to build trust with Signpost moderators so that the child is more likely to seek/receive the support needed.  A negative response (such as not believing the child or asking blaming questions such as “why/how come”) could act as a barrier to the child seeking/accessing services and even potentially cause further harm. 

2. Reassure the Child 

Children need to be reassured that they are not to blame for what has happened to them and that they are believed.

Healing statements are essential to communicate at the outset of disclosure and throughout the conversation that you will have with them. Find opportunities to tell children that they are brave for talking about their situation/abuse, for seeking help, and that they are not to blame for what they have experienced. Tell children that they are not responsible for the abuse/their situation and emphasize that you are there to try and help them within your responsibilities (already explained or to be explained). 

Use non-blaming statements like: 

• "I believe you." - This builds trust
• "I'm glad that you told me." - This builds a relationship with the child
• "I am sorry this happened to you." - This expresses empathy
• "This is not your fault." - This is non-blaming
• "You are very brave to talk with me and we will try to help you." - This is reassuring and not making promises   

If appropriate and if the child expresses strong feelings, like anger, fear or anxiety, say their feelings are natural in the situation:

• "These are difficult thing you are telling me."
• "It is normal to feel upset after a thing like that happens."

3. Help Children Feel Safe 

Ensure children understand that what they disclosed to you will remain confidential with comments like:

• "This means that whatever you will tell us will remain within our team."

Explain to children that you might need to share some information with other colleagues in order to identify the best answer to their situation, but that whoever is involved, will not share your information to anyone else in your family or community. It is also important to always tell the truth —even when it is difficult. If you don’t know the answer, tell the child "I don't know." Honesty and openness develop trust and help children feel safe.  

4. Speak So Children Understand  

Information must be presented to children in ways and language that they understand, based on their age and developmental stage. 

5. Tell Children Who You are and Your Role 

Take the time to explain to the child your role, who you are, what you can do for them and why you need additional information. At every step of the conversation, explain to children what is happening and what will be the next steps.  

Talking to Children Checklist
	The DOs:
	Believe the child and take their concerns seriously.
	Use child friendly, simple language.
	Reassure the child they have done the right thing searching for information and thank them for contacting you.
	Assure the child of confidentiality while explaining that you might need to ask others for help, depending on the request and the situation of the child.
	Use non-blaming statements.
	Allow the child to share what they wish to share at their pace.
	Tell the child what next steps you will take.
	If you don't know the answer to a question the child asked, answer honestly saying that "I/we don't know" but that you will seek support from other colleagues.
	Tell the child the truth- even when it is emotionally difficult.
	The DON'Ts:
	Show your own panic or distress.
	Ask questions that could be seen as accusatory, such as questions starting with "why/how come?"
	Be overly formal, use complex language or acronyms.
	Judge the child or their family members.
	Ask questions that are not necessary to know which services to direct the child to.
	Try to investigate the situation yourself.
	Force the child to answer questions or provide information they do not want to.
	Ask the child why they're in that situation - this communicates judgment and suggests they are responsible for their own situation.